Wednesday, August 13, 2014

I am a stalker.

photo via

I have an addiction to media. Online social media, specifically, is the form that warrants me the title of stalker. This is not some rude awakening for me, but is instead a particular characteristic that I have just learned to accept over time. Among my age group actually, there seemingly is complete societal approval for knowing everything about that one girl who always gets stoned in the parking lot before philosophy class, without ever even meeting her.

Her name is Sarah. She hails from San Juan Capistrono. It looks like she was pretty popular in high school. Her ex boyfriend seems a bit sketchy, but that's just me being judgmental of neck tattoos. I mean, it would make sense if he was the one who got her into baked philosophy. No pictures of weed, bongs, or anything like that though. Classy. The parents probably don't know about her habits. Her mom teaches Pre-K and her dad comments on literally every picture in her "COLLEGE w// Sarah" album (yes, it gets weird with the pre-game frat party photo shoots). She is tagged in a lot of photos that are captioned sorority recruitment, but I don't see that she's in one. Must have been dropped. From watching the video of her after having her wisdom teeth taken out, I really feel that a connection has been formed.

She is interested in both men and women. That's the ringer. I know it all.

I cannot open my laptop without checking Facebook within the first few minutes. If I follow you on Instagram, I have probably seen every last picture you've posted. I rarely give out likes, but that's because I'm trying to refrain from coming off creepy. The thing is, the last time I actually updated my Instagram was three weeks ago, and Facebook was a couple of months ago. So the blatant verdict: I am a stalker. I don't have the dying urge to frequently update everyone on my current life happenings, but I sure as hell am going to be attentive when one of my friends/the people I follow share something new and extravagant going on in their life. Heck, I collect a lot of information; even the name of the senior class harlot's second baby. If I have never actually met you but have even the slightest curiosity in what you're all about, I will probably find you. The Sarah girl was tagged in my hall mate's girlfriend's picture. I thought she probably would have recognized me from class. Friend request sent. Request approved. Stalked.

I feel like most individuals can relate with what I'm talking about, but if you're one of the few living either under a rock or in denial, really observe your society. "Facebook stalking" is a common action done before first dates. Many of the practitioners openly admit to doing it, but that is only because it has become so common. I mean, it can seem a bit eccentric, but there is no reason to not take advantage of what might save you from an arduous time. And I know people become a lot more comfortable at their jobs after they have skimmed through their bosses' tagged photos and saw them completely wasted at some New Years party. There is always that one guy also, who's life you want to emulate based off of all his posts that you consistently stay on top of. I bet if Facebook ever began reporting specific profile views to users, abounding amounts of people would shit bricks. Really though, we all just need to own up to our ways.

Social media stalking has really caught up with me lately. Since being in summer, it has been impossible to not compare how my time out of school has been fairing against those of my college counterparts. I read, watch documentaries, and chill out with my boyfriend. Repeatedly. Sure I have traveled a bit and had a few shit faced nights, but my fellow private school attendees look like they have been having the time of their life's over this break. New photos of everyone at parties are constantly popping up on my feed. Damn, am I the only one who doesn't have a billion friends who could tag me in posts/pictures? I started feeling a bit down about life, but then I saw that a friend off Facebook (who I didn't recognize) shared this:

Okay, so I should take everything at superficial face value. Whew! That's relieving.

Stalking via social media has become a societal norm in my opinion. Yeah, it is weird that I know Sarah's entire life story without ever actually meeting her, but she was always too high in class to talk with anyways. I don't see anything wrong with learning the ins and outs of someone you admire, as long as personal standards of happiness aren't solely based off of what your stalkee decides to share with social media. So many try to be legit Kardashian-level publicists with their own lives.